Forever and a Day

So, it's been forever (or so it seems) since I've been on here. Sorry all, life just got away from me.  So to update.  My son now has 2 bottom teeth that are working their way to fully coming in.  I got a nice size..12! dress for my anniversary dinner with my husband.  I was super excited to try it on and find out it fit perfectly. =)  I tried this new stir-fry for dinner a few nights ago which was absolutely delicious so I will definitely be making it again.  If anyone is interested in the recipe I'll share.  This is really just a short update.  I'm still exercising.  Still working on dropping the lbs.  I've dropped another one so I'm roughly staying within my 1 lb a week goal.  managing to work different muscles now 'cause I've been doing better and even capable of doing more than I could before. =) That's really all for now, it's late so I need to catch some sleep. My husband comes home on Saturday! So excited. <3

Can I Make It?

I've got 10 days left to go and I find it to be a miracle I've lasted this long.  I'm so exhausted now that I am functioning below 50%.  The exercising that usually perks me up isn't doing anything now because my body, mind, and emotions are just all drained at this point.  I force myself to function during the day, and it wouldn't be so bad if Joseph would nap BUT his bottom two teeth are cutting through the gums now sooo he's not.  He'll be tired and then he just won't sleep.  And mommy can barely take care of herself so she really doesn't have the patience to deal with him.  I swear that makes me feel like a bad mommy but it's so the truth.  I'm soo tired that I'm dragging and barely capable of functioning, and when he begins to cry it's like someone dragging nails down a chalkboard that I feel like I'm gonna spaz.  I've got him in his crib right now with a bottle HOPING that he'll suck on that and knock himself out.  He's sooo tired, you can see it in his face but he just refuses to go to sleep.  And what really sucks is he went to bed late last night, woke up at 3:30 this morning and then fell back asleep until around 7.  And the thing is everyone keeps telling me "Put him to bed later and he'll wake up later" Not my son.  The latest we can put him to bed without him waking up through the night and wayyy early in the morning is 8:30. Any time past 8:30 and you can count on him waking up in the middle of the night and then wake up for good usually around the same time he does normally.  IF we put him to sleep earlier, and when I say put him to sleep earlier I mean he just fell asleep earlier we can count on him waking up at least once if not twice through the night and then earlier in the morning than normal.  And so of course with him teething it REALLY doesn't help. And I've tried everything. From the tablets, to the orajel, to the green onions, to the teething rings he refuses to chew on. To the vanilla..but now with the teeth having broken through the gum he won't even let you put your finger near it to rub something cool on them..so yea..nuff said..I know they say the first teeth are always the hardest, so I'm hoping that when his top teeth come through it'll be a little easier.  And that's the BIG kicker, he's also going to be cutting those soon according to his pediatrician.  She said at his doc apt. yesterday that he's working on those too.. Usually a car ride can help get him to sleep when he's like this BUT I don't have the energy to drive without fear of passing out behind the wheel so I'm screwed..Between him teething and Bageira (my cat) bugging me off and on all night it's just been hell.  If it's not Joseph or Bageira waking me up (and Bageira has been good about that) it's noises waking me up..ugh..10 days..seems like 100..

night

I just wanted to say that i've managed to drop another lb and I weighed myself WITH my clothes on so that's good, I've not done any awful snacking, and kept my portions small. Even got to do some of my exercising today.  Joseph is asleep right now and I am headed that way.  On an up note tried a new stir-fry dish tonight and it turned out awesome! No left overs at all. I made it myself. My mom step dad joseph and I ate it.  My mom and step-dad had seconds. =) Anyway, just wanted to say that. night all!

*sigh*

Soo I can pretty much say I probably spazzed out and over-reacted, but my feelings were just soo hurt and the last nerve I had had been plucked.  For like 3 months now I've had a broken printer..the stupid color cartridge won't work right.  I get an error message telling me something is wrong with it and it needs to be fixed..so I follow the basic troubleshooting errors and it fixes it..or so i think..The error goes away, I reboot the printer it's still gone..I try to print..NOTHING. ...Stupid HP printer..The only other troubleshooting thing is to CLEAN the cartridge..but guess what I don't need color..I  just need black ink to print out a  recipe that i don't have time to copy down 'cause it's long and the stupid printer won't let me. It then spazzes out 'cause a color cartridge isn't in and won't let me print..still..irritating.  On top of that my laptop has windows 7 and this printer came out before windows 7 so I had to go round my tail to get to my elbow just to get it to install. I did that and it worked well enough until 3 months ago when that dumb error popped up.  I thought I fixed it because it worked, BUT when I went to print this morning stupid error comes back.  it's so hard to try to fix something when you have a 9 month old trying to get at your laptop an the printer WHILE you're trying to fix it.  Can we say short-temperment?  Wait, I didn't throw in he was throwing a tantrum because I kept telling him no..yep..for an hour..yep..@_@ I was ready to start tearing my hair out, ontop of that at this point my husband decides to text me..so I have a stupid printer that I asked him to fix 3 months ago being a stinker a kid screaming and throwing a tantrum because I'm not letting him play with the printer and the laptop AND a husband (who is gone for 2 more weeks) texting me.  I could deal wiht the texts cause I didn't mind talking to him but it's hard enough to stay sane when you've got all that going on at once.  Soo I told him I was busy sry and that I was ready to kill our kid. NOT literally. But the printer was seriously bugging me because it just did not want to behave and kept saying offline, soo it's on my computer twice for whatever reason and when I clicked the "active" printer it tries to send a fax..don't ask me why..trust me I was ready to kill the thing.  ANYway, well my husbands responds with "hahaha what's he doing getting into everything?" Yep..I lost it.  I couldn't help it.  this is the man that can't stand our son crying at all..KNOWS it's been hell around our apt for the past week and what all Joseph has been doing...and he laughs..I flipped.  I told him it wasn't funny, that it was pretty irritating and that the printer was basically being a brat and not doing what i needed it to and that Joseph was throwing a tantrum and that he needed to realize it wasn't cute or funny and that he needed to back off.  Did I mention I spazzed?  Yes, I realize now I pretty much over-reacted. But I just couldn't help it.  His little response of "hahaha" just plucked my last nerve.  I was so mad at him for finding it humorous that I just snapped.  i sent him an audio clip of our kid screaming, and told him I don't care if he thought I had over-reacted that it kinda upset me that when he's stressing I have to leave him alone but when I'm stressing he can pick on me all he wants.  Did I mention last night we JUST had a convo about him picking on me so much?  That's his way of showing love he says, I told him that it's hard to associate something with love that has been associated with pain. Yes, I got teased and picked on a lot growing up.  AND I told him I didn't want anymore texts from him and not to expect a happy welcome home or the massage I told him I'd give him..yea..I lost it.  I regret it slightly now, but my feelings were (and still are a little) just so hurt.  It was like of all the nerve, and it didn't help that he was the one that was supposed to have fixed it anyway.  Electronics and I don't get along.  usually when they break, it's on me, and they don't like for me to fix them..I don't know why.  I mean it's hard to explain (unless you've been in a similar situation) how frustrating it is when you need the printer to work (and I do, I actually have some important stuff I need to print out, just NOT in color), it's not working and no matter what you do it doesn't want to, then to top it off you're fighting your child to keep them away and when  you nicely tell them no and move them away from the object they begin to cry as if you had beaten them and throw a tantrum.  I was losing my patience, but keeping it under control.  And not with my son, but with the printer.  Joseph was just being innocently curious because mommy was playing with something that made noise and he wanted to investigate. It was the p.o.s printer that wanted to be a brat and not do what i needed it to.  Soo my husband texts me and i respond with busy thinking he'll realize he needs to just let me go..NOPE.. Part of me wants to text him I'm sorry I over-reacted but another part of me is like "No, I've told him time and time again that kinda stuff isn't funny" And it just really gets to me because he has little to no patience once our kid starts to scream and hasn't even had to spend one full day at our kids beck and call. I've done a week.  And to top that off Joseph is teething right now so he's extra onry and the slightest thing sometimes can send him into screams and sobs just because of how sleepy and irritable he is.  I'm just so hurt by it because to me I feel he was being insensitive.  it's not like he doesn't realize those responses frustrate me, because he knows.  He told me that it was funny how now all of a sudden having been away from Joseph all the little things that irritated him he finds cute.  So knowing that, and seeing his response. i wanted to smack him and go "oh yea so cute, you come try this and tell me how cute it is"  My husband has not had to go one day without me being there to help him out concerning our son..and a lot of this could have been prevented had he just fixed it..BUT I messaged him told him I was sry I overreacted and that he had hurt my feelings and they still were..I'm just so over it..between these past two days I'm ready to become a missing person...

LONG Day

As my title suggests, today has been a long day.  I got to do a 30 minute walk today, but not my usual extra exercises, so I made sure to do a little bit extra walking.  For breakfast I had a waffle. NOT the healthiest of choices, but in between pay days you have to make due with what you've got.  Lunch included some tortilla stripes and a peanut butter sandwhich.  And Dinner was part of a chicken breast, baked with cavenders, garlic and onion seasonings, with some cubed potatoes with pepper.  My son is being a stinker and driving me crazy.  He's currently cutting both his bottom teeth is cranky and sleepy but prefers to cry instead of going to sleep.  He's had teething tablets and his medicine and a bottle. *Sigh*  My husband is gone for the next 17 days and I swear I feel like I'm going insane already. As of right now I plan on trying to get in some of my exercise DVD, but that remains to be seen. I wish my son would just cut his two bottom teeth already, but these things take patience, and I am quickly running out of it.  I've learned my lesson though; NEVER ask God for patience.  he does answer.  In my utter boredom and stir-craziness today I re-organized mine and my husbands dressers along with my side of the room.  I did that in between of putting away the laundry that I did.  I didn't snack at all today, which is a big thing for me and makes me feel a lot better.  I am still down the one lb, and am hoping to lose another one by the end of this week.  I did however have some soda today, it was mountain dew because I needed energy to chase my son around.  I get very irritable and grumpy when I am tired and or lacking sleep, so it takes every ounce of self control I have NOT to take it out on my son.  Anyway, this is a short post, just updating you guys on my day, my meals, my victories and my losses.

Tip of the Day: Remember that you will fluctuate between two or three lbs, but if you're noticing 5 or more, you need to watch it.  The best time to weigh yourself for a true weight is first thing in the morning. Null clothes.  Those who weight themselves daily tend to watch their weight closer. I weight myself in the morning after my exercising and in the evening to watch my fluctuation.

That's all for now, stick it out and hang in there!

Helpful Hints

So, I'm sure you read my purpose post, now it's time for one that provides some hints.  I've come across many a long the way and hopefully some I post here will help out others.
1-Mind over matter- If you're not really dedicated to changing it won't happen
2-Get into a routine- Once you've decided you want to get healthier find a routine and stick to it.  We all have off days, but don't let those off days become weeks or months.
3-Mistakes happen- Don't beat yourself up because you gave into temptation. It happens, let it go and watch more closely next time.
4-Be real- Set realistic goals. Don't think you're going to reach your goal in a month.  Start out small and work your way up.
5-Be honest with yourself- If you're a snacker and you know it, get healthy snacks.  Don't tell yourself "It's okay if I eat an extra doughnut today, I'll work extra hard tomorrow. If that isn't true, skip the doughnut.
6-Don't sell yourself short-If you know you can do 20 sit ups no problem push for 25.  The only way you'll see results is if you push yourself just a little bit past your comfort zone.
So lets do a small re-cap.  Don't cut out EVERY un-healthy thing in your diet.  Start out small, what I did was I cut down to smaller portions, once I got that down I cut out soda (which believe it or not helps a lot as carbonation causes bloating), once I got the soda down I cut back on my snacking, once that was done I began to eat slower.  It's all small things that add up to big results. 
Do I still drink soda? On occassion.  I still snack from time to time as well, but if you're a huge snacker then make sure to use self-control  I pour just a little in a bowl, maybe a portion or so but I wouldn't know because I never measure and stop at that.  You have to be dedicated to it, like I said slip-ups happen and you have to just go with the flow.  Have a realistic diet.  I still eat just about everything I ate before I decided to get healthy but I eat smaller portions and i cook it differently.  Do you love chicken?  bake it.  Are you a sucker for gravies?  Find different ways to get your gravy but without all the fat you don't want.  I've changed my cooking habits and I've -seen- results.  I've also found if you cut stuff up into smaller pieces you'll eat less.  And above all else remember: When you lose lbs you don't lose inches, when you lose inches you don't lose lbs.  And you tend to lose water weight first.  Choosing to become healthy is no easy task, it takes commitment and dedication.  You have to want to change in order to be able to change.  Smaller steps mean bigger results, if you go into this expecting to be able to change over night you're being un-realistic and you will most likely cause yourself more grief than happiness.  Work at one thing at a time.  I didn't set my goal of a lb a week until I got other things under control.  So start out with maybe walking 5 extra minutes than you usually do, or maybe by not eating that extra cookie.  In the end if you stick it out you'll feel better. And in the end you have to have a goal and a why.  What is the goal you want to reach?  Is it a pant size?  Is it a weight?  And why do you want to do it?  Is it for yourself? Or your family? And always remember everyone is different.  Just because one person can drop 20 lbs in 3 weeks doesn't mean you can.  Slow and steady wins the race, the slower you lose the weight the more likely you are to keep it off.  I have a wider frame, so I know that I may not reach say 130 lbs.  My goals however are to be back into my pre-pregnancy clothes.  I know it takes time for my hips to realign, and I am prepared for that.  Once I reach my pre-pregnancy clothes if I am happy there I might stop, otherwise I might push myself to go a little further.  The why is for myself and for my son.  I want to be healthy so I can chase my son around and not get winded easily and I want to set a good example as far as eating habits go.  Now let me explain I'm not excessively over-weight. According to a bmi (body mass index) test I need to lose roughly 30 lbs.  However, I have a wide frame, so I may not be able to have the weight the bmi suggests.  However as a child I was diagnosed with asthma.  I haven't been re-tested for it since then but I have had an asthma attack and I do sometimes have difficulty breathing. I do notice though the healthier I get the easier it is to breath when doing strenuous activities.  The best way to lose weight and stick to an exercise routine is to find something you enjoy doing.  I take my son for at least a mile walk every morning(mostly because that's all he'll let me do before he gets fussy and two it's way too hot right now to have him out for too long), he loves it and I love it.  It's a small start but it's a realistic goal.  My husband and i went walking about two weeks ago and did about 8 miles in roughly 2 hours.  BUT I pushed myself way too hard and paid for it for 3 days.  But it was worth it.  Then I usually do an exercise dvd.  there are all sorts of ways to lose the weight doing activities you love. Remember, you can exercise all you want to, but if afterwards you fill up on cakes and cookies and fried foods and all sorts of stuff that you know is really bad for you it won't do you any good.  I like to think of my body as a machine: What I put into it is what I get out of it.  If I load it up on sugar, I'm not going to get much as it needs much more than that.  So if you find yourself craving something and you're finding yourself in short supply of self control: jsut ask yourself if it's the right fuel?  If it isn't try to find a healthy indulgence. For instance: Craving something sweet but don't want cookies or cake?  try apples and peanut butter?  Want icecream?  Can you stomach frozen yogurt?  try the reduced fat or no added sugar. Compromise with yourself, so you still get what you want but you can also feel good about it.  If you're happy the way you are and you don't care what people think about you.  More power to you, and this blog is not for you. =) In the end stick it out and hang in there.  And once you do reach your goal, don't stop exercising and fall back into old habits.   I've found that I -love- to exercise now it increases my patience, seems to make me happier and I just feel good about myself all around.  Good luck! And hope this helps!

Loving Me-My Purpose Here

Yea, so I never thought I'd ever blog, but for whatever reason I've decided to being.  Only I've got a mission.  The name of my blog says it all "Loving Me"  And that what it's about.  Through this blog I'm going to share my dreams and goals as I go along and hopefully inspire others to do the same.  I'm a 23 year old mother of a nine month old baby boy and wife to a husband in the Army National Guard and a Deputy with the Sheriffs Office.  My son and my husband are my life and without them I doubt I'd have made it as far as I have today.  Every day is a challenge but I meet that challenge head on with a smile on my face.  I have self-esteem issues from when I was a teenager and am stilling working on.."Loving Me".  Now for the purpose of my blog.  I want to inspire other women; whether you are a mom or not to love themselves.  Before I had my son I was a size 13/14 teens I began to exercise and to lose weight and got down to a size 11 in teens and a 12 in womens.  THEN I got pregnant. Lol.  I'm now a size 14 and I hate it.  In a society where skinny is sexy and if you have any sort of abnormal weight you're "Fat" it's hard to love yourself.  I'm not saying that EVERY woman out there feels this way, but this is for those of you who do.  My husband says I'm beautiful no matter what.  I wish I could see myself through his eyes.  However, through this blog I want to share in my journey to a healthier me.  And there are a lot of obstacles to over come. I've gotten on a healthy start.  I've shrunk my portions snacked less and set a goal.  1 lb a week  to start.  I exercise on a daily basis and hardly if ever eat out.  This blog is for others to feel as if they aren't alone out there.  The hardest thing for a woman to love is herself.  And you are always seeing these women who went from being one size to so much skinnier in such an amount of time. But rarely do you see a current struggle.  That's what I want to share here.  And encourage other people.  So feel free to comment as you'd like and share your own thoughts or fears or struggles.  Negativity isn't allowed, and if you're negative your comment will be deleted.  It's simple.  I'm going to share with the world my journey to loving myself.  I'll try to post daily and I'll be completely honest.  This won't be an easy journey, but maybe someone out there feels like me and this might help them. =)